We are encouraged to cultivate our inner victims. A friend wrote to me this week about a friend of hers whose young child died due to a mistake made by the hospital. The doctors and nurses tried to fix the mistake but it was too late and the little child died.
The friends of the grieving parents urged them to sue the hospital. SUE! What a case you have! Make them PAY you!
But the parents did the opposite. They decided to donate money to the hospital. "They did everything they could to save our child... they worked so hard. We don't want to sue them."
Donating money transformed the situation into a courageous creative act of generosity. In which the parents were doing the acting.
Suing would have had the parents deepening their self-concepts as aggrieved victims of unfair fate and victims of human error as well.
In the words of Dorothy Parker, "What fresh hell is this?"
For years I have worked with people to shift their minds from victim. And shift the world around them by doing so. Once you shift you can ACT: I OWN my spirit. I OWN my response to the hospital tragedy.
Victimization is like alcoholism. There are two useful metaphors for it. One is the disease metaphor. In other words, it can be very contagious. People will spread it. Hang around victims for a long time and you'll need an antibiotic.
The other metaphor is what people call "an addictive personality." In this metaphor, victimization becomes addictive. People go on whiney websites to get their fix. The Left has websites to go on and comment about the evil Right. The Right has websites to go on to complain about the evil Left. But these people aren't DOING anything about it. They are just wallowing, in a fetid, toxic bath with other victims. They are on the site complaining with each other.
No one on either of those sites has donated to a hospital lately.
When you do the OPPOSITE of what is expected of you, you are back in the driver's seat.
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One of my favorite coaching clients over the years has been Regena Thomashauer.
She has given me permission to tell you she is my client, and what a PLEASURE our relationship has been over the years because I have been able to see the effect she has on women.
Women who had pretty much given up on themselves (in very subtle but devastating ways) until Regena brought them into her school in Manhattan and made them young at heart again.
So I am going to give you a link to her TED Talk.
And the notes for her talk describe her this way: She is a revolution: an icon, teacher, author, mother and one of a handful of pioneers on the planet researching the nature of pleasure and dedicating her life to the discipline of pleasure.
Self-taught in the social, cultural and economic history of women, including the ancient Goddess religion which dominated for 30 - 50 centuries of recorded history, Regena uses her more than 20 years of research and her knowledge of female pleasure to open doors for women today by giving them a context in which to maximize their power, passion, enthusiasm and creativity.
The result is a curriculum, including the Womanly Arts Mastery Program, Inner Circle Program, Pleasure Bootcamp and SisterGoddess.com. Mama Gena's programs teach women to discover the power of pleasure and create their dreams.
In addition to being the Creatrix and CEO of the School of Womanly Arts, Regena is the bestselling author of three books published by Simon & Schuster: Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts: Using the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way with the World (2002), Mama Gena's Owner's & Operator's Guide To Men (2003) and Mama Gena's Marriage Manual (2004). She has been a frequent guest on NBC-TV's Today Show and has appeared on 20/20 (where one of her segments garnered a 20/20 record of more than one million website hits), many appearances on Late Night with Conan O'Brien, and Rachael Ray. Regena's programs at the School of Womanly Arts have been profiled in The New York Times, Elle ...etc.
You get the point: here is her TED talk:
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Attention: All LIFE COACHES and BUSINESS COACHES:
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