You don't have to make all the difficult decisions you think you have to make.
You can choose instead.
Choosing is bolder and cleaner.
You can do it in a nanosecond.
Decisions are messy and filled with second-guessing and self-doubt.
So many of my coaching clients come to me inside the agony of Trying to Decide something. They don't know how to decide. Would I please decide for them?
Live for them? Love for them? Breathe for them?
My life changed completely when I learned to live at the level of choice. It became fun.
Let me tell you where I first saw this most clearly.
I was giving a seminar and I had brought in my good friend, Lindsay Brady. People knew Lindsay because of his great book on hypnotherapy.
Not only is Lindsay is a hypnotherapist but he is also a very profound philosopher who understands the interplay between the brain and the mind better than just about anyone in the world.
As he was talking to my group, one of the younger people in the group raised his hand. Lindsay had just done a really great presentation on how the mind works and he had done a demonstration and this young man raised his hand and said, "I am so confused; I don't know what to do with my future. I have a feeling that you could really help me. I really have a sense that you know how I can make my decision. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to decide. I've got this opportunity and that…"
...and he explained a few options he had and a few places he could go career-wise and things he could do, but he didn't know how to make the right decision! He didn't know what to do.
At least that's what he was telling Lindsay at the time.
Remember there's a real red flag here--I don't know how to decide, I don't know what to do, I don't know who to call. Listen for those. Listen for them in yourself. When you tell yourself "I don't know how to, I don't know what to, I don't know who to, notice that you're not telling yourself the truth and you are keeping yourself stuck.
So, this person tried to tell Lindsay that he didn't know how to decide, he didn't know what to do.
"What should I do?" he said.
Lindsay stared at him for a second and then he said, one word.
He said "choose."
Now that was very profound because the room grew silent, and the person who was asking Lindsay just stared at him like a deer in the headlights and then he got a big smile on his face because he could really see it-- That's it! That's what I haven't done!
What I've seen in my own life and in the lives of my clients, is that people aren't choosing and so they are stuck. They are wavering between not knowing what to do and not knowing who to call and not knowing how to do something.
And it's simply not choosing.
I was working with a very brilliant woman who had a tremendous business and wonderful employees and a great service she was presenting to the world. But the business itself was losing a little money every month and she didn't know how or why and she hired me to coach her and she said, "I know how to do what I do, but I don't know how to run a business."
Fortunately I had received this distinction called choosing by that time, so I was able to say, "No that's not really true. It's not that you don't know how to run a business. You have not chosen to run your business. That's all there is and by the way that's good news."
See it's not a way to shame someone--this is not a way to shame someone into thinking, "Oh look what I do, I trap myself, I keep myself stuck by lying to myself and pretending I'm impotent and powerless."
That's not what this is about.
This is about freedom. This is about finding the freedom in choosing. Because it's action instead of agony.
Even if you make the "wrong" choice, you are better off because there's so much to learn from that.
Then she said, "I have not chosen to acquire and use the knowledge necessary to run my own business well. I've chosen not to. I've chosen out. I've opted out." And when she saw that, she said "Oh, yeah. You are right. I've never wanted to do that. I've always hoped someone else could do that for me."
Well, that's a possibility… if you've found the right person, but what she could now see was there wasn't this lack of knowledge she thought she had, because that's where people go wrong. They walk around and they say to themselves, "I don't know how to do this, I don't know how to do that" and it's infantile.
Nathaniel Branden, the great psychologist, once said, "Suffering is the easiest thing human beings do." It's the easiest place to go. Suffering. I am suffering from my lack of knowledge. I'm really suffering. I don't know what to do.
I get e-mails all the time saying, "I need you to coach me. I don't know what to do. I need you to coach me, I don't know how to get clients, I need you to coach me, I don't know how to succeed, I don't know how to be happy, don't know how to do this, I don't know how to make my business work," and that, by the way, is never, ever true.
This person is simply not choosing something.
And if I do end up working with them, we move out of the I don't know how, we move out of this false knowledge problem and we move into the freedom and the power of choosing.
When he was young and lost in career indecision Lindsay Brady found his career by going through an entire Yellow Pages book and circling the professions and services that struck a chord with him.
When he got to the H's he saw "Hypnotherapy" and being curious, he circled it. After looking into it he learned self-hypnosis to cure himself of various fears and weak habits. He was so successful at that he went to school and took up the profession and never looked back.
Notice that there was no decision necessary, he just CHOSE!
He had also circled beekeeper and airplane pilot, and after securing his profession as a hypnotherapist, he mastered those other two hobbies as well. By choosing to.
I can coach you in this choosing stuff too. How much would
it cost you for that? For at least 20 hours of work with me? Ninety-nine
dollars if you do it this way:
CHOICES for a More Powerful YOU includes the
following downloadable mp3 audio programs by Steve Chandler:
Are You a DOER or a FEELER?
We all have a choice to be a “Doer” or a “Feeler.” Steve shows how the mind, body and spirit are intertwined and how we can move beyond feelings-inspired resistance and build more DOING into our lives.
“I don’t know what to do” and “I don’t know how to do it” are common complaint-themes in people’s lives. Transform the “I don’t know” lie by choosing. Yes, it really is that simple. Learn how to use the power of choosing to move out of stagnation and into action.
Expectation vs. Agreement
Creating agreements works wonders. Up-vibe your personal and professional relationships by learning to create agreements instead of expecting others to do things (and then being disappointed when they don’t).
Information vs. Transformation
Break free from “information addiction” by applying, testing and experimenting with what you’ve learned. Step out of your comfort zone and into transformation. Steve shares his own experiences of transformation-based learning.
Is It a Dream or a Project?
Steve shows how we can get what we want by cultivating a mindset of choosing. Move beyond wishing and dreaming and have your life’s adventure be one of choosing and converting dreams into projects.
Purpose vs. Personality
Everything looks frightening when you’re living from your personality rather than from purpose. Make friends with purpose and take it with you throughout the day. To live from purpose, wake up to what you’re up to and practice it.
SERVING vs. PLEASING People
People often confuse serving people with pleasing people. Steve shows how the Owner mindset is serving and the Victim mindset is pleasing. This program gives clarity on what serving is and does and how you can benefit from making it a life practice.
TESTING vs. TRUSTING
TESTING vs. TRUSTING is a distinction which can truly strengthen your day! The active path of testing and testing and testing throughout your day can become your path to mastery of any activity you wish to master.
The How To vs. The Want To
Coming from a place of “Want To” means the “How To” is never a problem, because the best “How To” is to have more “Want To” than you’ve ever had before.
The Owner / Victim Choice
Based on the bestselling book, Reinventing Yourself. Owners have an awareness of their own freedom of choice and they love to make and keep agreements. They own their own spirit and energy and have a sense of personal responsibility and self-control. Victims are victims of circumstance who navigate their days based on their shifting feelings.
Who You Know vs. What You Do
It’s who you know – that’s how you succeed in life. Wrong! It’s really all about what you do and how you serve. Put your creative energy into your work first and foremost, rather than into networking and collecting “friends.”
Why Should I Reinvent Myself?
Reinventing yourself can be a fun thing to do and people who get really good at it can see that it serves them every time they do it. Embrace reinventing yourself as a way of being and experience the fun and the joy that it can bring you.