Question: How do I stay fiercely confident in the midst of rejection...especially when I have received a lot of "no's"?
Answer: There is no rejection.
There is no such thing as rejection.
That is a made-up, soap opera intensifier that we put on a very neutral event. So if I invite someone to enroll with me into something, I want them to be able to say yes or no. I'm not forcing them. I'm not going to be upset when they say no. NO is just information, just as "yes" is information.
And the minute I up the ante and take this innocent "no" and now make it be about rejection I propel my mind back to junior high school. I think about Jennifer who didn't want to go out with me when I asked her to the dance and she started giggling and everyone around her started laughing and I felt rejected and it felt like a knife in my heart…that is called escalation of emotion.
So the very word "rejection" is ridiculous. No one can reject you. You cannot be rejected. You can FEEL rejected, but you can't be rejected.
A simple no is not rejection. It's simply a human being mouthing the word "no" or e-mailing the words, "no thank you." There is no rejection in that until I add it as a feeling. As a special add-on.
Just notice how we take a neutral event and escalate it. We use words like "rejection" and "devastation." People love the word "devastated."
"I was devastated. I got the news and I was devastated."
How many times can a human being be devastated and still be alive? I mean people are talking all the time about being devastated by the news. Of course they are not devastated. In fact I heard a client say that to me the other day and I finally said "I'm going to look that word up because it cannot be true that all these people are so devastated all the time---all day long by every little thing. And I looked it up and devastation means to LAY TO WASTE---to completely destroy!
And rejection is not rejection. It's just a simple no and if I want to get a lot of yeses then I also want to get a lot of no's because they go together. They live in the same place! YES lives in the Land of NO. The more no's I get, the more yeses I'll get.
If I flip a coin and I want a lot of heads, then I'll also have to get a lot of tails. So the more tails I get, the more heads I'll get cause that means I've flipped the coin more times. That's all no is---it's on the other side of a no/yes coin. I want to get as many no's as I can and I want to practice not making it mean anything.
There are women in many parts of the world who are physically abused and mutilated and stoned and treated worse than that. This is real pain, not imaginary emotional devastation like we specialize in here in America. America has become the softest nation on earth. Do you not believe me? Look at this story about an American woman who not only believed she had been damaged, but claims to have been SEVERELY damaged. By what? A sense, a feeling, of disappointment!
Woman sues over lottery numbers miscue
Feb. 26, 2011
NEWARK, N.J., A New Jersey woman says a New York City television station caused her thousands of dollars in emotional damage when it broadcast the wrong lottery numbers. In a lawsuit against WABC-TV and its parent companies, American Broadcasting Co. and Walt Disney, Rakel Daniele of Fort Lee said she believed she was $250,000 richer and was "severely damaged" upon learning that was not true, The Record of Hackensack reported Saturday. The suit, originally filed in New Jersey Superior Court, was transferred to federal court last week. In legal papers, Daniele said WABC compounded the wrong by broadcasting the same incorrect numbers twice.
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~ Agatha Christie
Agatha Christie is the best-selling author of all time. Her 80 detective novels have sold over four billion copies. Yes billion, not million. So she knew something about doing great work and having an impact on the world. And, because her sales are so far ahead of everybody else's, we can say she knew something about getting ahead.
And she discovered that the secret to getting ahead was getting started.
Life coach Rich Litvin is especially good at this principle. He asks his clients to dream big. He wants to know what they are not doing in their lives that they always wanted to do. Then, after long conversations and deep searches into his clients' dreams he asks them to start small. Take the smallest step imaginable toward that dream.
Picture the smallest step you can picture, and now do that step.
Rich Litvin and I will be presenting a two day seminar in London, England June 3 and 4 this year so mark your calendar for some wild magic. Marking your calendar would be a very small step.
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~ Nassim Nicholas Taleb
People make the mistake of stuffing their heads with words and numbers. They pile in more and more information hoping that sooner or later they'll have enough information to finally succeed at something.
But information only goes so far…and if you get too overloaded with it, you can go bankrupt learning to succeed instead of going out there and succeeding. Which is why the programs life coaches offer always have a lot of action in them. Because transformation works better than information, and you can only transform through practice.
Author/coach Michael Neill and I recently co-presented a six month seminar for 22 people from all over the world. It was called, "Financially Fearless." During one of the last sessions, we passed out the above quote from Nassim Taleb on how to bankrupt a fool.
We wanted to draw a dramatic distinction between information, a gluttony of which can bankrupt you, and transformation, which will have you end up leaner and stronger. Most of the people in the room were coaches by profession. They were in the business of delivering transformation, so they got the point faster than most people would.
I work with coaches every day. They have become my professional coaching focus. I love the work they do in people's lives. My role in coaching them is to help them build strong practices and make a good living so they can go on serving people in the profound way they do.
Because it's hard to be good at coaching people to succeed if you are not successful yourself. You don't have a lot of real world experience to draw on. It's mostly theory.
Most coaches are so busy helping others reach their goals and live their dreams that they neglect their own financial strength. They forget to set up a strong system for growing their practice. That's where the work I do comes in. I've done a number of coaching "prosperity" schools where I take nine coaches at a time and help them gain a mastery level of business prosperity. They learn to acquire clients.
A coach cannot help a client he has not acquired.