You have to want it

     

     To succeed at anything, you have to want it. But most people overlook this simple fact. 

     And when they are confronted about the fact that their actions suggest that they don't really want to succeed, they get very depressed. They believe there is something wrong with them. 

     But there is nothing wrong with them. 

     All they need is for their level of desire to get a tune-up. Anyone can do it. Every day I see proof of that.

     Your level of want-to is totally within your control. It doesn't exist by itself. You are in charge of its intensity. You can turn the flame up or down any time you want.

     But most people don't realize that one's desire to succeed isn't a permanent thing; they think it's some character flaw or personality trait in them when they aren't driven to succeed. But it's not. 

     Desire and intention are living, growing, ever-changing energy sources inside you. You can learn to continuously grow them to any degree you want. You can learn to motivate yourself to whatever degree of energy and enthusiasm you choose. 

     Outside events have nothing to do with it. 

     Personal history has nothing to do with it. It lives at the level of choice. It's always been at the level of choice, waiting for you to choose it.     

*     *     *     *     *     *

     I'll be your baby tonight

 

       More than anything else, my life coach uses his sessions with me to return me to that powerful level…the level of choice. When I operate, when I make my decisions…from that level, the level of choice, there is power, usually more POWER in what I do and say.
    
     What other levels are there?
     
     Well. There is the obsequious level of approval-seeking. That's the level from which I try to win people's respect and approval. I don't serve them. I'm not helping them. I'm not making a difference in their lives. I just want them to think highly of me.
     
     Which is infantile.
     
      Infantile because it's what an infant does. It tries to get the attention of adult humans because they have all the power…the food, the comfort, the ability to remove my wet clothing. So I trained myself in this approval-seeking from a very early age. 
      
     I was a child prodigy.
     
     And it really stepped up in junior high school and high school. That was the most advanced training of all because now it had to be my peers, which means everyone walking the planet in my view, approving of me, thinking I'm cool.
    
     So I sold out. I sold everything out. All my creativity. All my daring and bravado and spunk got sold out for fear of embarrassment. And a new way of life was learned. A highly-exaggerated living for impression. What would make a good impression on people today?
     
     There can be no true want-to inside that system of people-pleasing. It's gone.  
     
     My coach calls the want-to an internal GPS. A commitment so crystal and precise it guides me. It makes decisions about what to do with my time, just as your GPS will tell you whether taking the road south would be a good idea or not given the destination you have programmed in.

*     *     *     *     *     *

 

     "What an extraordinary change takes place … when for the first time the fact that everything depends on how a thing is thought of first enters the consciousness, when, in consequence, thought in its absoluteness replaces an apparent reality."

 ~ Kierkegaard 

     Kierkegaard identifies the most extraordinary life change available to an adult. That's when you realize that reality is what you think of it. It's all thought that creates experience. It's not what something is, it's how the thing occurs to you.
   
      So a "recession" can occur to me as "tumultuous opportunity" or "creative destruction of toxic systems" or "rebooting back to sanity" or "a tragic setback" and my thoughts are mine to develop and strengthen into new beliefs and new internal commitments.
     
     Everything depends on how a thing is thought of.
      
     During a recent trip to New York, Kathy and I took some very long, spirited walks in the freezing cold air. In the past, during my victim years, I would have cursed the cold and wished I lived in Arizona. But now I thought of the experience differently. I thought of it as truly exhilarating. I made it an invigorating adventure. I was energized. I came alive. Because that's what cold weather does? No. Because everything depends on how a thing is thought of.
     
     We can't choose every thought. Negative thoughts fly in, sometimes in such nasty flocks it feels like I'm in the middle of Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds." A truly scary movie, even by today's standards.
     
     I can't choose every thought.
     
     But I can program my GPS.
     
     That's how thought replaces apparent reality.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *

     People fear money and death for the same reasons. Because of the same deep primitive misunderstanding.
     
     A child will believe a superstition if enough adults verify it and confirm it. A child will even believe in Santa Claus if enough adults confirm that he is real. It's the same process with any adopted belief. Each belief changes that child's whole life.
     
     Until it's deleted. Until we are willing to start over.
     
     Beliefs are like these: Money means survival. Money gets me what I want. It's healthy to want material things and have financial goals and not be happy until I reach them. And the number 13 is a must to avoid.

     All of it, nonsense. Ninety nine percent of what people believe is utter nonsense.

     And that's absurd good news. 

 

     If you are a coach and/or speaker, and there are a lot of readers here who are, and you would like to talk to me about being my apprentice for a year, please email me. I have an opening in March that goes from March 1, 2011 to March 1, 2012.

     If you would like to learn my trade, work behind the scenes with me, take possession of all my material to present as you will, be taught and coached by me for a full year, learn how to build a very lucrative coaching practice, then email me, hit reply, and tell me about you. Also tell me your level of commitment to success as a coach. 

     This apprenticeship requires a significant financial commitment from you, so please do not consider this position unless you are willing to make that commitment fearlessly, and you will take responsibility for having the investment pay itself back to you very quickly.

     You will also pay for travel and any expenses you incur coming to my events. You can choose as many or as few of my training events to attend as you like. You will receive free, full attendance at any and all seminars, keynotes, coaching schools, workshops etc. and any other events and/or groups (some in the planning stage) all covered by your apprenticeship fee. 

     You'll receive 40 coaching sessions throughout the year with me by phone, and a minimum of 20 hours of one-on-one in-person sessions with me. 

     You'll learn all my training programs and receive all the background materials from my past 20 years of successful coaching and business and leadership training.

     This position always fills quickly. I never carry more than two apprentices at a given time, and if your apprenticeship overlaps with another coach's you will enjoy learning from that coach as well.

     Because this program requires that I give so much of my time and my work to you, I always make certain I choose my apprentice very carefully so that it is someone I know I will enjoy working with and someone I know will use this apprenticeship to succeed way beyond past benchmarks. If you and I talk and if either one of us can't picture how real success would happen, we will not be working together. My commitment is very large to you.

     Email me (stephendchandler@cs.com) if you're interested. 

Comments

[Clementine]

Hi All I've been on extended tvarel so have lots of catching up to do. The responses were great! Set clear expectations upfront, and leave it up to the team to handle the situation. One of the expectations that needs to be set up front is my role as the coach. This creates a fine line when you are also the PM for the project. In terms of solving the problem and determining the group norms it is up to the team to determine what to do and to do it. Assuming the early commitment was made by all members to participate in all the sessions I would note I've noticed some of the participants aren't here (this would actually happen the first time it occured), what's the impact on the team? How do we want to handle it? Assuming a negative impact and the team wanted the members spoken to. I would ask who from the team is going to take responsibility for that conversation? When will that conversation be had by?

[Shyma]

if i make a comment about low erengy, it could be construed as a judgment on the team. what's low evergy to me might be thoughful reflection to others. thus, i might ask the team to rate the erengy level and see what the team thinks. if they say it is indeed low, i might then ask them for suggestions on what to do. another break? just not a good day..let's end a bit early? and so on.another idea is to have a couple of exercises up your sleeve to use at times like this. one is, who can ask the riskiest question? or, describe the work of the team using only weather related terms (thank you, val!) or you might split the team into pairs and have them practice asking who can ask the highest number of questions in 60 secoonds, etc.the idea is to get them doing something a/l related but just a bit off topic that might stimulate their thinking and bring up the erengy level a bit.

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