LEARN HOW TO FAIL

 

 Watch a baby learn to walk. They stumble and fall. They try again. They topple and sway and fall. They fail to walk. They try again. They fail again.
   
     They walk by failing to walk.

     All success comes from failure, we just don't see it.

     No, it's worse than that. It's not just that we don't see it, we do worse: we fear it. We fear failure. So we don't try things. We don't ask for things. Because we think we might fail.

     However!

     Failure is how we succeed.

 

   Remember learning to ride a bike? How you wobbled and failed to stay up? You failed at first. How can this bike stay up??, especially when it's moving! To find out, you have to fail to stay up and then do it again.

      After enough failure you are successful at riding a bike. But the failure was what did it.

      So why do we fear failure when it is the very GATEWAY to success?

 

  Remember learning to swim? That sinking feeling! All that thrashing around as you fail to stay afloat. You fail and then you don't. By failing to stay afloat you find what keeps you afloat. You fail first and then you find it.

     You have to be willing to fail.

      Because success always comes from failure. Failure is the way. There is no other way.

      When I wrote my last blog about Troy Shondell I got a GREAT reply from a reader named Dan ... what he said was unforgettable. Well I'll just let you read what he said:

      "One of the quotes I got from you Mr. Chandler is "Anything in life worth doing is worth doing poorly". It has become the most motivating quote in recent years for me. It's practically became my motto. It was such an inspiration for me when I first heard it from your recording! I felt like such a failure, no good for anything and I was in such a pain. I wanted to stop."

      Dan woke up when he heard "If a thing is worth doing it's worth doing poorly." That freed him up to go do it poorly. Even to fail at it. And notice that previously he felt like a failure, but that comes from STOPPING and not doing anything.

      If it's okay to do it badly, to even fail, that means it's okay to be in ACTION doing it .... actually doing it.

     Sometimes I share this with clients. It's from Deepak Chopra's The Book of Secrets:

     Imagine a baby who wants to walk but has these reservations:

     1. I don't want to look bad.
     2. I don't want to fall down.
     3. I don't want anyone else to watch me fail.
     4. I don't want to live with the burden of failure.
     5. I don't want to expend all my energy.
     6. I don't want any pain.
     7. I want to get things over as fast as possible.

     We laugh at the idea that a baby would consider any of these seven ideas. We know that a baby would never walk if he did so. Because what is required for walking is a willingness to fail. To fall. And fail again. That's how walking gets mastered.

      If you have an area of your life where you know you are not totally masterful but want to be, then the answer is to take it on like you did when you learned to walk. Failing forward leads to joy. Absolute, exhilarating joy. There is nothing like it. Watch a baby's face when he is first walking. 

     Sometimes authors become my coaching clients. When they wonder what to do when they feel stuck with writer's block I advise them to write badly. Do it poorly, but do it. The only job is to just darken the page. Because anything worth doing is worth doing poorly, so write the worst stuff ever written. That's how great things get written.

     And if you're in sales, fail forward. Fail to sell. Get into those conversations that give you the opportunity to fail, because only those conversations bring you sales. No sale ever took place outside of a conversation! But if you don't like failing YOU WON'T EVEN ENTER THE CONVERSATION.

     My coach once told me something I'll never forget. I was about to attempt a project that would require a number of people getting on board with me. What did he tell me to do? "Lose face." If I were willing to lose face, I'd succeed.

     "Show me a guy who's afraid to look bad," said the actor Rene Auberjonois, "and I'll show a guy you can beat every time."

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 NOW JUST RELEASED......

 
 
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   "It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare,
it is because we do not dare that things are difficult." 
~ Seneca

Comments

[Dan]

Thanks, Mr. Chandler.

[Einar]

“The only real failure in life is the failure to try.”

Fantastic post Steve!

[Randy Stuart]

My friend Marc, a fantastic photographer, was getting frustrated by not getting into any of the many photo contests he had entered. Not just not winning, but not even getting in.

He arrived at a beautiful plan which he called the Epic Fail. His new goal was to try and fail as grandly as he possibly could. And if he failed enough, eventually he would fail at failing...and thereby succeed at what he was after to begin with.

Fail so badly that you win by failing. Genius!

[Allison DeFord]

The baby reference is insanely good. So true!! You've helped me a great deal, Steve. Your words are clear and uncluttered. Your writing is so personal and inspiring. Thank you for reminding us to keep doing, to keep moving, to keep failing. I appreciate you so.