How to become a warrior

 I was not a time warrior. And I was certainly not a wealth warrior.

     Until I was.

     So what happened?

     I reinvented myself?

     I most certainly did (with a lot of help from my friends. Friends who didn't think anything when I sang out of tune. Friends who did not get up and walk out on me.)

     The really deep reason that I wanted to reinvent myself was my realization (and realization for me means making it real for me) that invention was all there was anyway.  

     In other words, I invented my "self" (my presenting egoic personality) to begin with, and when I could see that, that my whole personality- --who I thought I was ----was an invention.  

     It was all made up and it was made up during childhood as various responses to things that scared me.  People accused me, or people scared me, or people threatened me and so what I came back with was a kind of way of being that countered that and made me feel safe.  

     A lot of people have come up with different ways of being that make them feel safe.  Some people invented a really boisterous, bossy, controlling way of being; that when it was refined later in life it became more like a leader---aah, he's a real leader!--- but actually it was invented to counter something.  

    And other people are shy and reclusive and they sort of shrink away----they never say much in meetings, but that was invented too.  It's not as if it is in their DNA to be shy.  It was an invention to cope with or respond to something----or have a safe way of being---a way that wouldn't embarrass them.
      
    So, we invent that along the way in early childhood and then come a few more reinventions around the Jr high school and high school era, so that the huge fear of being embarrassed by our peers gets countered by some refinements and we reinvent again.  

     But here's the problem.  

     After having invented all those ways of being, we then look back and believe that this is the real me-----REAL ME!! It is is not an invention…this is an identity…this is actually sort of a DNA-level identity…it's actually who I am…I have no choice but to be shy… I have no choice but to be a pushy kind of leader type…I have no choice…it's who I am.
   
      But, that's just not true.  

      We can be whoever we want to be in any given situation. 

      And the more we can really see that, and the truth of that, the more fun it is.  Because the more we can say "Wait a minute, I could invent something else that would be even more effective to be in this situation or more fun to be in that situation."

      And so why should I reinvent myself?  Well, because I invented myself to begin with.

      So, do I want to continue to be the "ME" that a five year old and a fifteen year old, and an eighteen year old made up?  Do I want to live with that forever?  Were they the best me?  Were they the wisest me?  They chose those ways of being, and repeated them, and then went back and declared them to be my identify---my very self---DNA level me, no choice.  

      Do I really want to live from a five-year old's perspective of how scary the world was?  Do I really want to live from a fifteen year old's perspective of how scary other fifteen year old's were?  How scary relationships would be?  That would be a nightmare, but it's a very familiar nightmare to most people because they live stuck in a so-called personality that they believe is their identity when it's nothing of the kind.  

     It was a past invention made by an absolutely under-developed emotional system and then gone back and believed superstitiously to be the permanent me and what a wild and dysfunctional system that is.  

     What a wild pattern of behavior I am calling me.
  
     So, when I work with people in a coaching situation, or even working in various groups, one of the first things I want everyone to see is you GET TO reinvent yourself! Not you "ought to," you "have to" or you "should" reinvent yourself.  No, you get to reinvent yourself.  It's a privilege.  It's a blessing.  It's a gift to you.  It's called creative imagination that you are not using right now.  It's a gift that you could use every day if you could see it.

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Reinventing ourselves, such a powerful topic. I've reinvented myself many times, and I'm doing that now again, in a big transitional phase. Reinventing everyday, it's scary, but also challenging and fun, especially when I moved beyond fear and step into that new me.

I really like the "get to" mindset, that it's a privilege. Fantastic stuff, Steve!

[Andi-Roo]

This really hits home for me because I have re-invented myself now that I am in my 30s. I've always been scared of the world, & it made me so angry & bitter that I developed this hard outer shell to pretend I'm tough. I don't want that to be me anymore. So I've been working on the new me --- softer, less prone to anger, more calm, eager to listen, ready to help, full of laughter, generous... I like the new me so much, I tend to get annoyed when others aren't following suit --- but that's a different story. The point is, I love the idea of re-inventing myself, & you just gave me validation. Thank you.